Alone but not lonely

OK, enough is enough. The guy who carried my heart away and then left it on the bench seat of a bumper car is chugging along with his own hyper activities and so shall I.

I lost a friend to drugs on Saturday night. I owed him a letter and I think I’ll have to write it to him anyway. Then I’ll send it off into the sunset where he’ll read it in the happier place I know he is.

I still haven’t exactly accepted the fact that he’s gone. I expect another note to fill my inbox tomorrow with his piles of smiles and his <3 hearts <3 We were pen pals. He was too good to be gone. Aside from that, I am working too much. Seeing a shrink who tells me I am setting myself up to be a victim by doing things everyone else’s way but my own. That insight kind of amazes me, really, because I have always felt quite independent….but I can’t deny she’s right on the last one. This weekend, I had the best night I’ve had in a long time. Girls night out with Lainey, Emmy V and Jenny Diamond (with a name born for porn, there’s no need for nicking it). We ate bad thai food and drank good Italian red and talked about men in the South vs. the North, blind dates – worst and worser (yes, I know that’s not a word…..and, yes, I am too anal to let it go unsaid). We made a pact to experience speed dating together soon. I think I even convinced Grubby Nikki to join our campaign in the wee hours of Sunday morning, After dinner, we crashed an apartment party and joined their impromptu dance party. Drinks were had, business cards exchanged and promptly lost, photos of rainbow hair (Jenny was entertained by our blonde--dirty blonde—brown--black entourage). Keeping with the spirit of variety, we moved on to vodka and then whisky shots before I had pity on my liver and called it a night. I went home alone and played with my camera (really) and Lainey met a Checkoslovakian Banker. Her story’s more interesting than mine, but I’ll let her tell it. Went to bed at 4 am with hope in my belly. I’m finally looking forward to tomorrow. I’m going to be alright.